2013 King Of The Hammers write-up

My KOH write-up!

Fun at the 2013 King Of The Hammers was off the charts… even for the girlfriend, who said (without me putting her up to it) that it was funner than all the other trips we have taken which includes trips out of country, Hawaii, bahamas etc!

The work was rediculous, too much… considering I didnt have a car, trailer, tools, team, ANYTHING… 1 month before the race… ok, so I had some tools, in a room in a house…. no garage to put everything, much less work on anything…

The build started on the sidewalk of the 2nd busiest street in Los Angeles… many peope per hour would litterally walk through my build…

Every night I would load everything back up in the trailer… after a couple nights I woke up and noticed one of the security cameras I had sitting on the wall drying(long story) was dead on the security screen, when I went outside to throw it away, it was gone… confused, I turned to the trailer to notice someone had tried to get in… I ran inside and rewound everything to see someone disconnect the camera at 3am… ran back out and notice the trailer was disconnected from the truck… He couldnt move it because of the tounge weight… I still get sick to my stomach thinking about how close I was to losing everything before it even started

So for about a week the nights were spent in the trailer “prepared”…

Eventually, Jimmy Tom, my neighbor resuced my co-driver Dan Mikels and I off the sidewalk… He obviously figured out how “up the creek” we were and was kind enough to let us use his garage(a beautiful one) for the rest of our build, I honestly dont know if we would have gotten everything done without that HUGE amount of unplanned help… finished the car, at least enough to go to KOH and pre-run etc thurs the night before we planned to leave…

So we get to the desert and we are like chickens with our heads cut off… Do we pre-run the car? Do we save the car? Do we pre-run on bikes? at what ratio? Do we just run the stock tires(much smaller) and save the race tires for race day? WAIT….. WHERE THE FK IS THE COURSE? We had planned on using an iPad to cut cost for navigation because they are used in planes… found out the PCI file they use wont load onto an iPad… OK FUCK IT LETS JUST GO RIDE… We’ll find the course…

We did that for two days and had a blast, got random stuff ready until Todd Stephensen gave us ungodly needed help #2. He took us out pre-running and devirginized us in the rocks HARD! We broke the drive line and learned an invaluable lesson long before the race(parts were a day away), we also learned we were fast in the desert and needed King Off-Road Racing Shocks because we quickly boiled the stock rear shocks during pre-running and realized they were going to be useless…

We got all our parts 2days before race and got our car together to go try chocolate thunder… instantly bent the front tie rod and had to back down…

realized why they sell upgraded tie rods and bought the upgraded ones…lol

at this point complete mental shut down was near… panick attack a few minutes away… but so was the drivers meeting…

The drivers meeting/dinner was the turning point for me… And here I go getting all choked up again… At the drivers meeting Dave Cole started talking about how all the course workers love our sport and how they all wish they could be racing, I just remembered the last few years and being out there in the Bronco camping and wishing the same thing… one year I even stood outside the drivers meeting and peeked in and watched through the crack in the tent…

But not this year, this year I get to race… the stress for me was never felt again… I cant describe the fortune I felt from that moment forward, it was all in perspective… Hell I was so fortunate I even made the Memes of KOH page…

By this time the lake bed had filled and people would randomly come by the camp, check out the car and have a few beers, they were nice fresh reminders of that feeling.

Race day came and my co-driver wanted to puke… Mr relaxed was ready to shit himself… I was glad, he was getting his $’s worth… Here is a picture of him receiving his piss condoms…

They waved the green and I crusied for maybe 2minutes, once I got to the top of that lil qualifying hill it was game on… I think we passed 3-4 cars in the next 2minutes, we were flying… The dust was a TOTAL shock! Holy Shit! BLIND!


I dork it at race mile 26…

After walking back on the course in hopes of finding our toolbag that fell off, I took a different route back and tried to hunt my co-driver like a deer… I scored a knife kill…

We werent running a front bumper(ya, ya hindsite’s a bitch) So when I was bumping those guys I was hitting them with my front tires OMG! Hit the last guy hard enough it snapped the front diff into pieces… The guy ended up finishing 2nd and I was just glad I didnt take him out…

Congrats to all 3 finishers… incredibly impressive job…

I would like to thank:
My Girlfriend and my dog for putting up with my s—
Doug Bigelow for his original PM on race dezert that introduced me and got me obsessed with KOH
Todd Stephensen(the guy I came to beat and he knew it) for taking me in like a brother and helping me lose my virginity in the Johnson Valley. I will be indebted to you for the rest of my life…
To my neighbor Jimmy Tom, who saw us on the sidewalk in front of my house and offered us a garage to finish our build, your generosity with your garage and tools was one of the most generous things I have ever experienced…

D & P PERFORMANCE CEDAR CITY, UT (800) 842-5172 For the fastest UTV on the planet…
Rigid Industries LED Lighting For the best lighting
King Off-Road Racing Shocks For making 60mph through deep whoops possible
SPARX HELMETS For my badass helmets

And lastly Dave Cole, for dealing with the stress of making this such an awesome event!

Posted in Burt Jenner, Racing

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